2009-02-03

Deep Thought (on black velvet)


I have to admit that I was a bit impressed by all the countless velvet Elvis paintings that littered the streets of Tijuana (some were even presented in bird cages, maybe to prevent theft??) when I was visiting for a few hours in 1990.

Little did I know that Tijuana, Mexico is indeed the velvet-art capital of the universe so it is even more of a mystery that I didn´t find my desired blue/black panther on velvet. The one that -as a poster- graced the walls of so many classy homes in 1970s Germany.

Anyway, my love and adoration for velvet art was just blazingly re-ignited when I saw the amazing galleries of the strictly limited editions of velvet paintings by the aptly titled "Indignico Inc." (!!!)

This is not the fake stuff! No! It´s American art made by true artists in Tijuana, Mexico! "Quality you can feel" is Indignico´s motto.

Their latest masterpiece is of "Republican Party deep thinker" Joe The Plumber (whose real name "Wurzelbacher" hints at German or Austrian ancestry) in a great posture that just screams "deep thinking". It´s exclusively available via e-bay and it is NOT being shipped outside of the USA. There goes my Joe!

Do yourself a favour and read the full text that just lulls you into a buying-frenzy with it´s endless repetitions and great analogies. It´s pure poetry:


The Patriot Portrait Collectibles
of Indignico Inc. Proudly Presents:

The Last of The Undecideds
Joe The Plumber
"A Republican Party Deep Thinker"
On Black Velvet
The American Tabloid Heroes Collectiontm
Modern American Media Martyrs
On Black Velvet (tm)

No American Citizen Should Be Without One.
Genuine Original Hand-Painted Authentic Mexican
Limited-Edition American Tabloid Heroestm on Black Velvettm
~ from Indignico Inc. ~

This painting of Republican Deep Thinker and Impromptu Party Spokesmodel: Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, AKA "Joe The Plumber" On Black Velvet is an authentic Mexican Black Velvet Painting from "The American Tabloid Heroes Collection ~ Modern American Media Martyrs (tm) on Black Velvet", a Limited-Edition series of museum-quality Tijuana black velvet paintings which was produced exclusively for The Patriot Portrait Collectiblestm by Indignico Inc.

This particular black velvet painting was hand-painted in Tijuana, Mexico in 2008 by the professional Mexican velvet Elvis artist "ARGO." It is called: "Joe The Plumber On Black Velvet" (Modern American Media Martyrtm #274/1000).


Each genuine Limited-Edition Tijuana black velvet portrait produced by Indignico Inc. for The American Tabloid Heroes Collectiontm comes complete with its very own match-numbered Certificate-Of-Authenticity. Printed on high quality parchment, this tamper-proof certificate--also produced by Indignico Inc.--guarantees that your black velvet portrait is an original work of authentic Mexican black velvet art which was painted entirely by hand in Tijuana, Mexico by a professional Mexican Velvet Elvis artist from Tijuana, Mexico exclusively for The Patriot Portrait Collectiblestm of Indignico Inc. . . . and ultimately it was all done entirely for you, The All-American American People.

And speaking of you, you will never find anything else like this anywhere else--ever: like Nature's own snowflake, no two Limited-Edition Modern American Media Martyrstm can ever be exactly alike, whether it's "Joe The Plumber On Black Velvet de ARGO #274/1000" or "Joe The Plumber On Black Velvet de ARGO #574/1000"... each one is a unique, hand-painted, one-of-a-kind, All-American Original.

And that's what makes your genuine Patriot Portrait Collectibletm Limited-Edition Modern American Media Martyrtm black velvet painting from Tijuana such a guaranteed investment, something sure to be handed down, father to son, for generations to come, quickly becoming a treasured family heirloom in absolutely no time at all--But only, that is, if you act now--right now.

Isn't it Time You Paid Your Respects?

Get Your Patriot Portrait Collectibletm Authentic Limited-Edition American Tabloid Herotm Tijuana black velvet painting today!

But you must act soon, move quickly. Buy it now. Supplies are strictly limited. Resources are dwindling. Life is very short.

Get your Limited-Edition Modern American Media Martyr Tijuana black velvet portrait from Indignico Inc. right now--before it's too late.

The Patriot Portrait Collectibles (tm) of Indignico Inc.
No American Citizen Should Be Without One.

...And that, my friends, is just the sort of patriotic product and pedal-to-the-metal All-American promotional zeal you can expect from the fine folks and patriotic Corporate-American executives of Indignico Inc., an All-American American company that can be counted on to do absolutely whatever it takes to smuggle, over the border and into your lives, just a little bit more All-American American Quality...


Phew!



Admittedly, there are a few giveaways of the satiric nature of the whole thing, but apparently these paintings exist and there are more, much more!

Who wouldn´t like to call a velvet portrait of Lynndie England, the famous Abu Ghraib warden, his own?! There is also one of Condoleezza Rice, which "pays respect" to the former secretary of state by spelling her name wrong!


The final hint at the true nature of this enterprise comes towards the end of the e-bay page. No, not the photo of ARGO, the artist! Read the Q&A section and you might get it. Why do I get the feeling that most of the customers who buy this stuff don´t get it? Or is it me getting it wrong?! The mind reels...

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey - you know Lynndie was not the warden of Abu Ghraib - just a clerk - didn't torture or touch anyone - just stood in that stupid picture...

StellaVista said...

Hey, Anonymous from Aliso Viejo,
thanks for setting things straight!

Since I am not familiar with ranks in the US Army, I am glad to hear that Lynndie was just a clerk. I guess that´s a pretty low rank to have, but she has probably worked her way up the ladder during the last four years?!

Anyway, did you notice that her tits are sagging and that she looks like she´s shooting up in that velvet painting? I bet you did!

William Travis Robison said...

Hey StellaVista,

Ahhh, so very rare... someone who appreciates my little velvet project in the spirit in which it was created. Thank you. Over the years since I first began ridiculing Republicans by way of Tijuana Black Velvet at the 1996 Republican Cenvention, I've had to develop some explanatory language to deal with those who'd pigeon-hole me as nothing more than a standard kitsch-monger... And the phrase I've come up with to describe that which I have done and am still doing is this: Performance Commerce... Although I could probably use a little more of the commerce to truly justify the name.

Anyway, though, just wanted to say that I appreciated your on-target appreciation--Thanks.

--Bill Robison,
Curator-of-Sales,
Indignico Inc.

StellaVista said...

Hi William,

thanks for the kind words! "Performance Commerce" is a brilliant word for your work.

I really think that the idea and the execution of the website and the product is fantastic. I love how perfect you created the whole thing.

Too bad that you are not quite happy with the "commerce" aspect of your performance. You should consider to sell overseas. I mean, isn´t it ironic that someone from humourless Germany "gets" it?!

All the best for you and keep up the "good work"!